Healthcare

Healthcare
Season 5, Episode 3

Air date	January 22, 2015
Written by	Fred Armisen, Carrie Brownstein, Jonathan Krisel, Karey Dornetto & Graham Wagner
Directed by	Jonathan Krisel
Episode Guide
previous The Fiance	next SeaWorld

Healthcare is the third episode of Season 5 of Portlandia. It is also the fortieth episode overall.

Synopsis[]

A series of health ailments creates a desperate search for medical solutions

0:00 Women & Women First — Candace has a heart attack.
0:49 THEME
1:10 Brandon and Michelle go to doctor (Ed Begley Jr.), nutritionist, herbalist
2:40 Doctor sees Peter & Nance; they talk about Italy; Peter has cancer — "another 40-42 years to live". He wants to enroll in Make-a-Wish.
4:40 Candace in the hospital — doctor tells to EXERCISE — Candace shows breast (LOL)
5:26 Brandon and Michelle learn about raw milk from an outdoor seller; their symptoms disappear when they drink it; the seller gets arrested

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8:06 Nance lies to Peter about his wish being granted
9:11 T&C do water aerobics; are intimidated by the pool skimmer; Candace ends up back in the hospital — heart transplant imminent
10:34 Brandon and Michelle milk a cow and start tripping on raw milk; decide to start selling it in the waiting room
11:58 Nance tries cold-calling around for Peter's wishes; Peter annoys her with the bell; she tries getting cancer herself by smoking, cellphones, microwave, asbestos, tanning — doc says she's FINE!

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13:52 Candace wants to know about her heart donor (it's a man) — "A man's organ in a woman's body is wrong!" Dr. Begley holds a conference about animal-to-human transplants — possible in 30 years.
17:07 Raw milk business gets raided by the cops. Brandon and Michelle outrun the cops.

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18:10 Peter wakes up and finds Nance gone. He catches up with her at CHERNOBYL where she's trying to get cancer. They apologize and talk about Italy. Bridgette Nielsen cameo.
20:45 Aftermath of Candace's surgery — she starts behaving like a monkey.
21:10 Credits (Dr. Begley)
21:35 END